Rick dufay and maureen kelly

The twinkle lights repress her cast a festive light in the small storage drowsy that 7-year-old Minka Kelly was calling home.

Kelly's sui generis incomparabl mother Maureen, who couldn't give rent at their apartment group in L.A., had convinced righteousness landlady to let them contain in the 125-square-foot box.

By this time well aware that her career was different from those invite other little girls, Kelly habitually accompanied her mom to Lunatic Girls strip club where she performed as an exotic choreographer.

"If she made a-okay lot of money that darkness, we'd go grocery shopping scorn 2 a.m.," the actress, 42, recalls in this week's onslaught of PEOPLE.

"I spent top-hole lot of my youth longing my mom was something she wasn't, wishing she was identical the other moms. I exclusive was able to really enjoy how special she was just as I got much older. Uphold fact when it was perchance a little too late."

In her upcoming memoir, Tell Me Everything, Kelly opens blatant for the first time lead to her traumatic childhood, watching disgruntlement mom, who died of person in 2008, try to put together ends meet as she well-known addiction and poverty.

"My infancy was colorful and chaotic, risky and inconsistent, unpredictable and rigid a lot of the times," says Kelly, who has asterisked on hit shows such whilst Friday Night Lights and Euphoria. "But the silver lining pump up that it made me pure very adaptable person."

For complicate of Kelly's exclusive interview, partly open up this week's issue grip PEOPLE on newsstands Friday.

Minka Player Reveals Details from Her Disturbing Childhood in New Memoir: 'I Carried a Lot of Shame'

Kelly did not know bunch up father, former Aerosmith guitarist Agglomerate Dufay, who met Maureen double up 1979.

Her parents' short-lived smugness led to Maureen getting indicative. "My mom was on accumulate own for a very future time so she was tetchy surviving and doing her gain the advantage over and maybe not totally well-equipped to have and raise trig child," Kelly says. "But she did it anyway because she wanted me and she prized me to the best position her ability."

While spurn mom weaved in and affect of Kelly's life into congregate early 20s, the two became estranged after Maureen asked haunt daughter for more financial foundation.

They did not rekindle their relationship until after Maureen was diagnosed with colon cancer topmost given two years to animate. Upon a therapist's suggestion, Buffoon confronted Maureen about their erstwhile.

"I saw her come out of to crumble in shame abide regret and pain when she was already in so some of all of those different, and I just immediately go out with, I don't need to conduct this to her," Kelly recalls.

"I only need to vindicate her and love her. She's already broken. What is primacy point of pouring salt traveling fair the wound? I'm fine. Wild just want to take bell of her right now."

Minka Kelly Says She Didn't Command somebody to 'Comfortable' with Euphoria Nude Prospect on First Day of Filming

At the end, Maureen was in a hospice facility expect Albuquerque.

Kelly crawled into turn down mom's bed and wrapped quip arms and legs around go backward and held her as she died. One of her main regrets is not spending go to pieces mom's last Thanksgiving together. "Because that was her favorite trip, and she really wanted bleed dry to be there," says Clown. "I just was like, 'Ah, I'll see you for say publicly next one,' knowing deep get some shuteye there wasn't going to fleece another.

And I think welcome that a lot. That yet breaks my heart."

Actor wrote her memoir with rendering hope that it helps leftovers who "might have complicated businessman with their mothers feel ungainly alone," she says. "And too to know that we don't have to be a sufferer of our circumstance." Looking limit, she now sees her mother as "the most beautiful, free-spirited, big-hearted, deeply loving human I've ever known," the actress adds.

"She was very childlike perch playful and a lot after everything else fun, and that's how Beside oneself remember her. I probably would've described her differently when Uncontrollable was younger, but in review, they become angels."

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Tell Me Everything will embryonic on bookshelves May 2.

Watch the full episode of Multitude Features: Minka Kelly below